Almost Famous

Because I'm always alone. Like I can't even explain anymore how lonely it truly feels. Its like a dementor is with me for the duration of this pathetic night. I never drink or smoke or whatever. I never chill with friends because I've been "too young" to be out. So thats a major blow.

Tonight, I'm babysitting for 10/hr. So hopefully by the end of the night I should have approx 80 dollars. Its totally nice to deposit that into my bank account and feel like I can buy a fucking island until I zoom in on exactly how much is IN my bank account. And then I realize I probably couldn't even buy the sand on the island.

But I have a couple of things I want to talk about for a hot second, because I need something to do so that I don't fucking shoot myself of loneliness.

I had a dream either last night or the night before. I was a cashier and I was ringing stuff up for someone. And I woke up thinking I had to go to work. I was like "Okay Sig, time to get up. You gotta ring shit up." I actually really wish that was my job. I really wish that I was making some money just for the sake of proving to myself and my dad that I can hold a job and do schoolwork and be able to make my own money so I don't have to constantly ask. That wasn't too interesting I know.

So moving on. The last couple of days I've been sleeping over in Staten Island with Victoria. Who used to be my ex-best friend but we're back to being best friends. Which I must say might be the best feeling in the world. After spending months not talking to someone and then you suddenly have a moment where you realize that you were both wrong. That what happened was just stupid. And we're (Vic and I) are gonna start talking about how to fix the problems we had.
But yesterday we went to the Staten Island mall with Zak from my freshman year. I hadn't seen him in FOREVER. And I was kinda nervous because I had the OHDEE crush on him my freshman year. When I saw him all those feelings came rushing back. I guess I had made things tense when we were at the mall without even realizing it. I felt bad because this wasn't for me. It wasn't about me. And I realized that I shouldn't have feelings for him. But throughout the time I just realized that there were things that I really liked about him. His music, his nonchalant behavior, and I don't know. His je ne sais quoi. But he's really unattainable, just because he's seriously hung up on people he can't have.


But after we got back from the mall we were gonna go smoke with Mike. So we come back to the city. We're chilling things are better. And Zak has to go pick up some stuff so we're going with him. And then he's just like I'm not gonna smoke. So we were like okay. So we just headed to Mikes. So we smoke and it makes me realize how much I miss this kid. Not Mike or Zak. Just this kid. And being high or whatever enhanced the feelings. But we were kinda high I guess. But Vic was buggin out. She asked me to take the ferry with her back to SI and then come back to the City. I didn't want her to feel uncomfortable and I wanted to show her that I could be there for her and be a good friend again. But she was going crazy. And I felt bad for her. And I tried to calm her down because Mike was making it worse. And I think it worked a little bit. I wasn't mad at her. I'm glad she needed me. Because I felt that when we were friends before she only wanted Justin. She didn't need me because she got everything she needed from Justin. But she got home okay and she was fine this morning. She said she wouldn't do it again but I think she might.

I got home and went to sleep and had like the best fucking sleep of my life.

Today, I had to go to my dads house to do chores but I was there for so long. I don't even understand where all the time went to. But then Jonah had to come over and drop shit off. There was a big bottle of Cognac on the counter and I thought that it was for Jonah but it wasn't. But I felt like drinking a little bit so Jonah raided the cabinet and found some whiskey. I started drinking. Like poundin it. And it tasted fine. I was like this isn't so bad. And then when Jonah went to take a bath I really started to feel it. Like I was crazy tired. And shit started to move slower. And the room was a bit tippy. But I wanted to go to Modells to get sweatpants for this crazy ass cold weather we've been having. But instead I just had Jonah drive me home. But I doubt I was drunk. I think I was just crazy tipsy. But I'm not sure if I liked it. I get really tired when I'm high too but its a nice tired. And I think I prefer that to being drunk.


But that brings me to tonight tonight. Alone. By Myself. On My Lonesome.

So as I watched those couples' kiss in Times Square and thought about myself sitting on my neighbors couch chilling by myself I realized how depressed it made me feel. So next year, I'll be 18, and I'm OUT to Times Sq. I'm out to fucking have myself a ballin' ass New Years Eve.

Right Fucking On, Siggy.


So I'll called Gina and we decided we need Jersey Shore nicknames. I'm SFame, Gina is GRazy and Jada is J-Chillen. Shh... she doesn't know yet.

Stay Safe, and Have A Happy, Healthy, Amazing New Year!

Happy New Year!

SFame Over and Out,

S

TOTAL LETDOWN.

I'm not old enough to have "Social Obligations"

every year my christmas blows. thats all im going to say.

He's probably gay.

He's just wayyy to gorgeous to be straight, even though he has had a few girlfriends. But why do I care? He's just a figment of my imagination. But a pang of hurt, jealousy, envy and lust comes every time I log on to AIM and hes under recent buddies. I've changed my screen name so many times (not for him) that he hasn't blocked them all. So I see him and the nickname I've given him almost every day. On my buddy list. It's almost reason enough to sign off and never sign back on or just delete him. But I can't. I can't delete him. He's part of my mistakes and my fucked up year. He is a permanent scar and a permanent reminder to never get so involved (one sidedly) with a guy. I can face it now: He's hot, sexy, super appealing, but unbelievably cocky, rich and an asshole. But when we talked I felt that we CLICKED. We just fit, missing pieces of the puzzle. But he obviously didn't see it like that or we would be making loveeeeeeeeeeee or be in a relationship. I thought I loved him. But I was naive and foolish. We barely saw each other and we hardly talked in person or on the phone. We talked through AIM and Facebook. And now, Facebook allows me to stalk him and see what he's up to. And I SWEAR that when he was around I wasn't stalking him as much as everyone would like to claim that I was. But I was obsessed. No doubt. No lie. Straight up obsessed. I'd think about him and maybe what we'd talk about next and I always wondered if he thought about me. And even if he denies it, I can tell you that he thought about me. With a name like Sigrid Buchbinder, I'm not easy to forget. And they may not have been great dandy thoughts but they weren't always malicious either. I'm definitely not saying he had a thing for me, even I'm not that delusional. But he thought about me. He probably wondered what I was doing. Or maybe he thought that bitch is fucking crazy - but I'll take it.


Why am I ranting about some guy who never thinks of me anymore, who's in college, who's probably gay judging by his pictures and sense of style - sorry no straight man really dresses that impeccable.


Because I miss the care free feeling of last year. And I miss him too somewhat. Or the idea of him. But then I pull myself back into reality and I realize he never cared about me, we exchanged funny conversations, but he's just one big mistake. And I'm sick and tired of cleaning up after my mistakes. Holding shards of what once was in my hand thinking I could put it back together again if I really wanted to. But part of growing up and what I've come to realize is that I JUST DON'T WANT TO ANYMORE.

Wow, I cannot believe how long its been since I last wrote. I apologize to those who have been hanging on by a thread to hear all my wonderful comments about the world around me and whatnot (i.e. NO ONE.)

moving right along.

1. Started My Junior Year

and I can't say that I hate it but its been strenuous so far. I have a lot to lose if I just fuck up this year. for one, UCLA. my absolute dream school. I have other ones too because I'm pretty sure I'm not going to get in. I dont know if its because I don't want it, or because I just don't qualify and I'm not sure which one will be worse to realize in the end.

I've come a long way with friends. I have some serious friends that practically make up my life and are sometimes the reason why i push myself to school each and every day. But I've also realized that I don't connect with some of my friends as much as I did last year or I'm not that interested in their company anymore, which yes I do realize is mean and somewhat sad.

oh, but for the first quarter I managed to pull an 87 average. what now, bitches! and also my parent teacher conference was phenomenal but i really dont feel like rehashing it all. it was pretty long and im not sure if i can recall all the comments.

2. A First...

concert. i've been to concerts at like the main venues like Madison Square Garden but i recently went to one at Nokia theater which is much smaller but more intimate. i saw some band that i cant remember the name, Rocket to the Moon, The Maine, Cobra Starship and Boys Like Girls (they headlined) and i think i might've had one of the best nights of my life, i shit you not. i was with Jessica, Gina, Serena and Maggie and we just had a fucking ball. i was so close to the as well, like i could see their sweat. i cant describe the feelings i had, but i know they resembled euphoria. its like one of those nights that you replay and relive for so long that you end up not being able to remember it anymore. funny, and kind of sad at the same time.


3. I've finished Harry Potter 6 and i actually cant understand the feelings i'm having right now. like its jealousy, rage, confusion, anxiety? im not sure but its starting to piss me off.

im not exactly sure what else to write. but i guess i'll try and keep you guys posted?

if anyone cares?

Avada Kedavra,

S

Well Hello, All.

its been a weird four weeks.

the first two weeks (3rd session) were great. i was in a cabin with my best friends and of course we got on each others nerves but it was great to just be with them because the next two weeks (4th session) were weird because i wasnt living with girls my age anymore. i was looking after and taking care of girls who i didnt know and who were 11 and 12.

i feel like i didnt learn enough to be thrown in with these girls. i didnt take enough out of the CIT program and i didnt learn too much. i came in thinking i was gonna learn a lot and really learn to be a counselor, because i know one bad counselor can ruin your summer.

anyways i got evaluated at the end and they want me back as staff which dont get me wrong is an awesome feeling but meanwhile i feel like i've outgrown camp. this summer was my tenth summer. ive been going to camp for more than half my life and ive seen the good come and go and the bad come and go and i feel like im spent. there is no more "oomph" in me to continue on. i got kinda bored. and that just might be because the transition between camper and staff (CIT) is really weird. its hard to explain but its just weird.

*backtracking* the virus i talked about in the previous entry was MONO. i fucking had mono. a small mild case, but nonetheless, MONO. and then while i was at camp i got pink eye in BOTH eyes, and i got a really bad cold that lasted me a good two weeks because my body was so worn down from fighting the mono. but let me tell you how i fucking got the pink eye. its actually kinda funny now that i look back on it.

Rui, a fellow CIT and now a friend (!) went on the slip and slide and needed a towel so he grabbed mine. and i was like NO RUI! and then he was like what and pulled down his pants and wiped his ASS with MY towel. i didnt think much about it. yeah i was fucking grossed out but whatever. so i put it on the porch back at my cabin to dry and not thinking i picked it up and wiped my face off. all up in my eyeballs. you know what pink eye is from right? POOP PARTICLES. oh yeah, NBD.

i want to talk to you about the rest of the summer like guys and such but im on a tight schedule with cleaning unpacking putting away clothes and items reading and catching up with shows it will have to wait. its not juicy at all but i had a pretty good time with my friends this summer. and i am going to have to think about coming back. i want to and my dad and nikki said i will need a job next summer and since this was basically given to me i should take it. and its more fun than any other job and i'll be with my friends. so yes i will have to think about it but i would like to keep my options open.

Poop (Paritcled),

S

first a quick *Katchup.

that kid named Trevor came over to mi casa de madre and smoked with me on my back porch. and i still had those same strong feelings i've had for him before. and he brought a friend. they were nice but i kinda just wanted it to be us. maybe he brought them just so it wouldnt be just us? *wishful thinking?

also that same evening i began to feel a bit sick and the feeling progressed into the week and the following week. serious migraines, fevers, body aches, other stuff. anyways i go get my blood drawn for the first time to see if they can spot whats wrong with me through my blood. turns out i have a virus but when i found out i had already begun to feel better. holy fuck i felt like shit.

moving right along, camp is in six days. i cant wait to be outta here. i need a breather. i need to be my own person for awhile. some space. camp space. and im really excited to learn more about the CIT program. and all those people who are reading this that want to hate on me going to camp, i love it. i cant picture my life without it. i've begun to pack and i finally got denim shorts over the internet which turn out to be just a tad to big. well more than a tad.

finally watching Weeds again. totally in love with this show. i would like to fuck just about every single character on the show except for dough and a few of the henchmen. ew. the story is getting good and stupid ass Nancy ratted out about the tunnel and Guermillo is tight. and hes still so sexy. give me a fucking hispanic.

talking to this guy i met on FB. just passed his page and messaged him "Hey youre kinda cute." and he told me i was cute too. lets call him Aaron. again to protect my ass, the others dont need protecting. so we texted all weekend and he usually just texts me randomly and says "sup." i like getting texts from him. i like that hes thinking about me. but i feel like i might have scared him off just a bit. i was kinda lonely and probably overstepped some of my boundaries. so if your reading this and you think its you, its probably you and im sorry so keep texting me and spontaneously call me whenever :)



Why I'm So Pissed:

its human nature to judge. everyone does it. and dont lie to me or to yourself and say that you dont. its okay. just say it aloud. admit it. some girl is walking down the street and youre like "what the fuck is she wearing?" or some guy walks past and you just think "holy fuck, hes hot." or vice versa.

i believe people who are insecure are more prone to judge but really overly confident *cocky* people can judge too just because they think they are better than everyone else. i, personally, do not think im better than everyone else. i know my fortes and my kryptonites and i accept peoples flaws. so i'll admit that im insecure and judge people.

we took my "brother" Jonah out for a celebration tonight for his birthday that was last week. our waitress has a slight resemblance to Rachel McAdams. so i turn to Jonah and his friend Shaaty and say "Our waitress looks like Rachel McAdams, just not as hot." and i was just trying to be funny. but i stand by what i said. and he laughed. so did Shaaty. so then Jonah proceeds to mock me throughout the whole fucking dinner and make remarks that just piss me off. and when he keeps digging in i just work that much harder to ignore him and everyone else. like just fuck off. he can be really funny and witty but mostly hes just a pain in the ass looking to be the class clown. hes being really relentless with me and my dad or stepmom really dont step in until the bitter end when im just about to blow my brains out.
on top of that, i really didnt like the food. i ordered pasta with cheese. like it was pretty embarassing to just order that. i want to act grown up but the food was just a bit much for me to be like "oh hey let me just get some quail or cod fish." i didnt want to be difficult - if you dont like something you dont like something. but im pretty good at trying things. i tried the cod fish. it wasnt so bad but i would never order it for myself. i have my preferences and im not happy that i got pasta with cheese. i felt like a baby all over again. so Jonah then digs in about the food. how i pass judgment on the fucking food. i totally didnt. i didnt say thats gross to the stuff they were eating. i didnt "hate" on it. i even fucking tried it! so give me a fucking break. this comes from the guy who doesnt travel to anywhere except south america or spain bc he speaks spanish. there is so much more in the world to see then just those countries. and hes such a little kid. grow the fuck up. do something with your life and stop ragging on me.

i would seriously dig into another thing about him but im kinda scared hes gonna read this and be like uh okay? fuck you. and i honestly dont want to jeopardize the relationship. i really like him but tonight he was a fucking certified asshole. so he just keeps going and going and going and im seriously about to blow my brains out. its getting hot in the restaurant im getting itchy and i need to step out, but that would seem so overdramatic and im already called a "Diva" or a "Drama queen" and i can be one but like people just take it to the max. anyways so we drop them off at his place and drive home and im just wondering what the fuck i did to get him on this jag.



so i text him.

"What was up with you being an asshole tonight? what did i do?"

him: "U judge errthing thats not your 16 year old world."

"I didn't judge anything. i barely said anything all night. what did i judge?"

him: "'Rachel McAdams but not as hot' was a start. the food. anything thats not on tv u watch basically im sorry i was so hard on u."

"Okay. i get the Rachel thing. the food? i didnt pass judgement. just bc i didnt like it so? and thats not even tru. you dont even know me u just assume u do."

him: "well u have a way of dissing whatever's not in ur world. there's a time n a place."

"That's not true. stop frontin. i do not do that. Shaaty had to push you to go to Spain step out of your fucking comfort zone. an u dont go anywhere else besides south america. i am not like that. the food is one ting. but stop acting like you know me. ur such a little kid. grow the fuck up."

him: "ditto."

"I know you better than you think i do. and im growing up. you? i cant say the same."

it might have been harsh or whatever but when he says thats not on TV i watch i judge. its such bullshit. like i like my tv but i have a brain. and i judge what i see not what i hear or watch. i judge what i know and see. and sometimes i probably should keep said judgments to myself. but i just dont understand why i was so under his skin tonight. i showed up to his stupid thing at a restaurant he liked. what more do i need to do? praise food i dont like? maybe the Rachel thing was too much. i was just looking for the laugh. and i kinda regretted it when i said it out loud. so fucking sorry. sue me.

i just wont talk to him for awhile. its fine. whatever.

so pissed. im gonna watch weeds now. and im going to try to update everyday before i leave for camp. i don't know if stuff wil be interesting. you'll let me know though, im sure. actually you really wont. because no one fucking reads this shit anyways. so im ranting to you cyberspace. lend me some sympathy.

Judged,

S

Im going to have to go with Olivia Benson from Law and Order SVU. She's compassionate and nice and really good at what she does. She proves to people that women can be good detectives. She doesnt take anyones shit and she really loves her job. She doesnt have to go around sleeping with people to get what she wants and she works really well with all of her colleagues.

what do you guys think about her?

The Proposal.

before that Transformers

transformers was beast. go see it.

:)

haha me being tired and just introducing myself to the LJ community. i mean i dont think anyone reads these things, but not to toot my own horn but my LJ is fuckin' SLAMMIN'

i put in so much effort for you readers.

readers = zero.

I'm sorry its been awhile. I haven't been busy actually. Well more busy then I've probably been in my whole life. Chillin with friends and makin plans. Look at me, makin dem plans!

I saw Transformers opening day with my new friends Serena and Stephanie. I liked it a lot. And they both took me to olive garden for my first time and serena is taking me to six flags for the first time too, I believe.

But let's back track. So I swear I was gonna have to take my sorry ass to summer school and miss a totally amazing summer as a CIT at camp. So I hauled ass and made tracks. I was able to make second honors but I was dissapointed about my score on the US history regents. I got a 95 and I'm in an AP class. Which I probably should have gotten higher - I was trying to beat my global history score which was an 98 the highest in the class :)

So I even passed math. I swear baby jesus was looking down on me because I go to catholic school. He graced me with the wisdom and knowledge to turn my fucked up year back around somewhat. Can you hear the sarcasm dripping from each word?

Anyways camp is gonna be super duper fun

Moving right along. This weekend we had Jonah and his friend Shatty out at the east hampton house. I truly adore Shatty. We had a good weekend with them. Beachin' it. God my white ass needed a bit of the sun. I can't believe how white I am. My dads group of jews are saphartic jews which hail from northern africa and my mother, well she's just a bit farther up north like in the artic region. She's Swedish. And I've inherited the very swedish looks - blonde hair blue eyes. And don't get me wrong I totally embrace it but I have a TON of ethnic friends and it just makes me EVEN more white looking. I was at Emerald Greene's (yes, I shit you not that is her name)house because she was having a pool party and I was swimming along merrily and I looked down and I was fucking glowing like fucking pool lights under the water.

So noah hasn't contacted me. He's a camp a marine bio camp in florida and as much as I'm happy for him I want him to talk to me and I want to hang out with him once he gets back. And I thought about Remy for the first time in a while. But it came in passing. And speaking of love interests there's a new guy that we will call trevor so I can cover MY ass. And he's real close to me and I think I'm falling for him. He's about 10 years older than me but I think I got it bad. Sometimes I feel like he's flirting but I doubt I'm his type or he'd act on anything. I can't tell if he likes me or not. But god damn sometimes he's got me. He's not like hot or anything and we think he might be gay (we're still waiting for the results to come in) but I was in the car with him the other day and I couldn't help myself. I was hooked. He's ridiculously smart, brainy and street and life smart. I like that.

I don't know what else to say. But I'll try to keep you updated - even during camp bc I can bring my phone and I now have a blackberry. So we shall see.

Brainy,

S

Whats really good LJ??

im kind of hyper right now. and i probably wont get to sleep for a couple of hours. my US History regents is tomorrow, and im kinda worried but not that much worried. did that make sense? im in an AP class so its kinda like a cake walk but i dont want to get cocky.

but im hyper because i opened this package that held god in a miniature form - my blackberry. now now, i cant hook it up until after regents which is on weds. thats my last one. which i know im going to totally bomb. but i think i will be taking care of that, thank you very mucho.

but i have to go to bed. i kinda got distracted.

okay byee

what kind of question is that?

why would you EVER pick your significant other over your friends? maybe its because i've never had a significant other, but its like those are your friends. your family. your sisters or brothers. i would never want to just abandon my friends who know me inside and out. and will always be there for me. significant others come and go. just like the saying "Even the dictionary got it right, Best friends before Boyfriends."

so to all my friends who have made my life worthwhile and will continue to do so this is for you.

and to all the people that will expand my horizons and open my mind in the future this is for you.

and for anyone who needs a friend this is for you.

and for anyone who has picked their significant other over their friends and has regretted it, this is for you.

and for anyone who has lost a friend, physically or emotionally, this is for you.

Whats really good Live Journalers?

well im sick of playing katchup and spending forever writing shit to make you happy.

im just kidding i thnk i love it, but like i said im pretty LESSAY. (say it out loud and you know what it is)

im just going to ramble.

first today was my last day of sophomore year. well lets hope. because i think im failing and i dont want to go to summer school. that will ruin my fucking summer. and its really all because of me. i wish i could play the blame game, i'm a fucking PRO at it. but alas, i digress.
so finals are coming up, and LEGIT i am studying my fucking brains out, even though i fell asleep today, one time and last time. i will die, i will fall and melt and die if i end up going to summer school, i shit you not.

so thats school. can we move on? thanks.

so i got in a huge fight with my dad 7 days ago (do the math) and it went from 0 to 100 in like a minute. it was about how i dont work hard and shit like that. and hes like ur txting is a distraction. so let me take it away. and i was like you want to unlock the tv and computer next year - my most important year and your telling me my TXTING is a problem? i was like you're a constant contradiction. the paradox of our time if you will. and we just kept at it. i had found stuff on the computer that i really dont want to talk about and i thought i had smelled drugs, but when i went to go smell it in the same place i had thought it was in the smell was gone. and i was thinking maybe it was cuz of my cold, or maybe my mind had made it up that fateful day. regardless i know he smokes, so its not a big deal. and i dont care i just dont want him to a hypocrite, or even get in trouble, get me? anyways that same day i had purchased my blackberry which i had been yearning for, for like 6 months. and i got it. and then he took it away as was like you'll get it next year.

HOLD UP

next year?

why not after regents and finals? and he said he'd consider. i want that thing so baddddddd. my razr is a piece of shizaaa.

then yesterday i uttered the worst words ever: "I HATE YOU." i have neverr said that to him before. it just came out. and then that was the time i realized the power of words. i felt bad, but i also felt exactly what i had just said. these little things that he does, the way he plays and manipulates me sometimes really fucking IRKS me. so thats why i said it. but i dont think i really mean it.


again. i had other things i wanted to write about.

oh. i know


that kid from facebook. well technically hes from preschool. but idk about him anymore. i mean hes cute. and ill smart, and i think i could really like him, but he stood me up once already and im not interested in a game of cat and mouse if im not the mouse. i mean girls want to be chased.
anyways enough of that. because that gets me mad. not knowing. he texts me when he pleases, like im so kind of fucking booty call. i am a Buchbinder woman, and we dont let NOBODY walk all over us, ask my sister :)

so moving on. because still getting heated about that stupid shit.

im watching weeds because i always lose my fucking spot. but im on the third season, and before i thought it was funny and shit, and i never really realized how dark it really is. like damn. he poor kids, and the fact that they will prob have to give up the house that their dad had. and hes dad. like DAMN. drug dealers and thugs dont give a fuck about family even tho they profess their importance. like give her a break shes got TWO kids. one is very hot might i add.

but i think thats all i wanted to add. sorry if this wasnt funny. just keeping you up to date.
k, bye

Smoked Out,

S

hmmm.

well i could take shorter showers, unplug mah gadgets, walk and bike more. spread the word, buy stuff thats green.

whats holding me back??

hmmm.

i love long showers. =]

its been such a long time. my apologies. i mean to write i really do but then i realize just how time consuming this really is, and then i get lazy.

so ill break this down for you guys, those who actually read these things. ill do it by sections in my life. lets start with

1. SCHOOL:

i went into my sophomore year thinking with the mentality that i was the shit, i had done so well on the global regents, i was pretty popular (not gonna lie) and that was a huge mistake. lets call it mistake number one.
mistake number two came in a round package - Soccer. i love soccer and i wanted to put more activities on my applications for college so i was like sports - score! (no pun intended) but the games were in like westbubblefuck new york and far and it made me tired. the coaches were crap and the practices were hard. im fat, straight up, im fat and i dont like to run. me and running have never flirted at a party. we basically stay on opposite sides. (you're welcome for the analogy) i was getting so tired from the games and coming home around 7ish that i'd just blow off homework, and my AP reading. which was a huge mistake in the long run. antywayyyszzz i had to quit, my dad suggested it, but i really thought that A. i wasnt having a good time, my heart wasnt in the game 2. The coaches sucked. we hadnt scored ONE goal all season, i shit you not. and 3. I really was slacking in class, and school is my priority. or at least i think it is...
my final distraction was so hot. so steamy and delicious. his name is Remy. and i fell way to hard for him. when we talked on AIM, i felt that like we really clicked. i know he'd never date me or hook up with me but like it was the start of a beautiful friendship. i thought we legit clicked. he would laugh, i would laugh, or virtually "LOL". word got out around school, and i think this girl shakira told him i talked about him all the time, and i know a part of him was flattered but i think he was kinda freaked out as well. god, girls are so CATTY. turns out she liked him. go fucking figure. anyways i got so wrapped up in getting him to notice me and talk to me. and my mind would always wander during class "what is Remy doing right now?"
i guess the universe is trying to punish me because i was looking at these facebook pictures of this new guy that i could/am interested in (more about that later) and theres a pic of him and this kid. so i roll my mouse over the picture and a tag pops up. guess what his name is?
yeah. its Remy. i was like fuck outta here. and he was hot too. goddamnit. isnt that terrific? god is trying to smite me.
so, for my sweet sixteen i got to go basically anywhere in the world with some limitations. but i narrowed it down btwn spain and italy. my school was going to italy, because we have a travel club, and dad thought it was the better buy, so Siggy was off on a jet plane on february 10th.

2. ITALY:

holy shiza. italy was amazing, i absolutely adored it. i want to live there, i want to go back. it really was an eye opening experience. things are different there. culturally - they had BEER in McDonalds. i went into a store to buy a pack of cigarettes. BOOM. no ID no nothing. "that will be 2.50." i was like WORDDDDDDDDD?
i got a little bit confused with the money and exchange rate, i ended up spending 600 dollars. but it was THE best 600 i've ever spent. =]
there were so many hot guys, and amazing gelato, and beautiful architecture. it is a mind blowing place and i hope i get an opportunity to go back. i made some new friends, but really i was there for me. when we went to the Colosseum and the Forum, i touched it and i got the shivers. i walked around in the forum and was like HOLY SHIT. it was so moving, me being a history head and all. okay, im losing steam and getting distracted by facebook. moving on.

3. FRIENDS:

i cut ties with my best friend, Victoria. our relationship had changed so much it was unrecognizable. i guess it was for the best? but i called her at 12:00 this morning to wish her a happy birthday, i could never forget. even though we arent friends i still wanted to wish her a happy birthday. sometimes i miss her like crazy. i had a friend from camp over who lives in connecticut, and as i was making the bed, she was like "oh no, i dont do that." meaning she didnt sleep in the same bed with the same sex. Victoria loved my bed. and it made me miss her a lot. i guess people really do change. i think about her sometimes.
Gina, is like one of my new best friends. i do love spending time with her. shes funny. and nice. and she gets me. haha.
Jessica aka DIQUE, is my wife. yeah check it on Facebook (its official) and i love her. this girl is soo funny. she has me laughing all the time. shes nice and smart. we all get along really nicely.
Jada, she was my first wife. we get each other. shes part of my crew with Dique. we all mesh really well together. and they are like my life. we have so many inside jokes. oy. i totally forgot about the other things i was going to write about.


this absolutely sucks. i totally had shit i was going to write down. well whatever, this was a
good katchup right??



i hope those who follow me are liking and enjoying my life because for the most part i dont. and i like to make it funny when i write about it, but really my life is not a sitcom, i wish i had people, brilliant people writing my script. and holding me and others back when we are about to fight.

which reminds me have you heard that Daisy from Rock Of Love 2 With Bret Michaels is getting her own show?
here are some adjectives that describe either her, the show, or my feelings about the show:
trashy, slutty, unnecessary, ridiculous, preposterous, monstrous, ew, seriously?, really really really? de veras? WTF? whore, attention wanter, rejected, loser, ugly, money, pretty, VH1 is getting ridiculous, honestly? is it that serious? brett must feel stupid.

im totally going to watch it.

katchuped out,

S

till next time.

I guess a lot of people my age spend most of the web time on Facebook or Myspace. I used to like Myspace better but Facebook isnt that bad. I also check my yahoo account and when I feel its necessary I visit LiveJournal.

i call home Camp Fuller. its where i can be myself and enjoy myself. make friends.
i define home as a place that makes YOU happy, where your aspirations are encouraged not looked down upon. where you are supported and loved and where you can be yourself.
where would i like my home to be?
1. at my mothers.
2. Hollywood

this is probably really hard to say/write but it would be my dad.
i sometimes have day dreams or nightmares of him dying and it just sucks. like i start crying. i cannot imagine my life without him. he knows me and hes taught me things that im really grateful for. hes given me gifts that i truly need and not stuff you can buy in stores. but he loves me no matter what i do. i feel we have a very strong bond and that nothing can break that. but its not in the creepy way or the conspiritory way its just the father daughter bond that is so immense and makes me feel good. about myself and my relationship. hes my dad. hes just everything. Mr. Fix It, Mr. Cameraman, Mr. Homework Help, Mr. Enforcer, Mr. Cuddles, Mr. I'll Be There No Matter What.

Hiya!!

its been about a week since i've posted a "real" entry.
for starters Inga's gone. She left on a Jet Plane and doesnt know when she will be back again. Kidding. she left on a Jet Blue plane and she will probably be back for Christmas.

Secondly mom and i got in a HUGE fight. she threw me out of the house. AGAIN. she was more mad at dad then at me. but she took out all her anger at me. she threw the phone at me. i don't know if it was meant to hit me but i have my suspicions because when it wasn't close enough she picked it up and chucked in my direction again.
she said a lot of hurtful things. and i was not gonna just stand there defenseless. i am going to defend myself. so i was like "You want to throw fire, ill throw fire right back. do not play with me." i was supposed to be picking up my stuff for camp from her house because we were leaving for East Hampton on thursday. and she said to me while she was throwing me out, "I may not be here when you pick up your stuff. So you'll have to call me and maybe i will be here or not."
i was like "I am SO fucked." and i told my dad and i was like "We cant just very well break in." He looked at me and grinned, "Why not?" that actually kind of creeped me out, because he could totally do that he knows how. and that grin made me think it wouldnt be the first time he would break into my moms house. but i told him we couldn't do that because she would never talk to me again. and she totally wouldn't. when i think about this it makes me really sad. like almost depressed. im the difficult child. it feels like im the child she just really didnt want.

last night we went to a dinner party at Nikki's friends house, Stacey and Barry and it was nicer than i expected. then we came home and Nikki and I talked until two in the morning and slept to two in the afternoon. ha. funny. but it was nice to talk to her. i ALMOST told her about the party. THIS IS NOT GOOD. that i can just totally spill to her. its comforting and scary as well. i told her that i smoked cigarettes and i didn't like them (TRUE) and that i drank and didn't really like it (Half true) and we talked, and maybe i can go to parties. thats a BIG MAYBE.

okay. so lets get to the good news. I go to camp TOMORROW!!! thats why this is titled "Goodbye For Six Weeks" or something like that i am too lazy to look at it. ha. im a little nervous. But i am always like that. i don't know where it comes from. because i know i can make friends and i will probably have okay to good counselors. im never going to have a year like i did last year. im excited too though because i just like being away from here. the city. parents. i just like being at camp, it is def my home. no question.

i had a whole list of things i wanted to write about. oh wait i remember the important one.
THE PARTYY!!

I had a really good time. Victoria didn't. she pissed me off good. but i came. i drank. i smoked. i BAGGED! some guy gave me his number. he had such a nice smile and BANGIN eyes. he had a girl but he gave me his number anyway. but he wants to break up with her. works in my favor. i just hope he doesn't play either one of us. tu sabes? We saw Juan there. like it was crazy. we saw mad kids from Museum. i had like 5 cigarettes. i shared most of them. but Victoria was being SUCH a pussy. but i had ma fun. haha. i cannot believe he gave me his number. it was like the perfect night. i would go back i'd have to find someone else to go with me but, that shouldn't be too hard. ahh. i cant stop thinking about this kid. i have had dreams that we just fucking make out like all over. i don't even know. like its crazy. its funny though because i don't know him. but i want him!!

well i think this is it. i will write again prob either today or tomorrow if i have anything else to report. this is like a weak entry sorry. but you love me anyways.

Made Out,
S

well i liked pie at one point in my life. but i now i detest it. i love me some cake!
heated or cold? like temperature wise, like what im most comfortable in? oh, you mean like my cake or pie.
well i don't like my cake HOT. but i will totally eat it out of the fridge the morning after. but when we are all sitting down to enjoy some yummy cake i like it medium. i guess room temp with the wax on it from the dripping birthday candles. PERFECT.
A la mode or plain?
im not a plain person. never have been never will be. so definitley a la mode.
=]

Caked,
S